19 Going On 20

Dear 13 year Old Demars,

I know exactly what you are thinking. I am finally a teenager!!! Life is great!!! Those are the exact same thoughts that I am thinking as I am about to turn 20 this week. You are excited for the start of a new year, a new time in your life. As you go through your teens you will learn the most about yourself than you will ever. You will encounter people in high school that you thought would be there for you but instead left you alone. You will question your own beauty to the point that you absolutely hate your natural hair and bare face. You begin to gain weight and you become even more insecure about your “baby fat” in your face. You will compare yourself to others and develop your biggest insecurities in your body and hair and question why boys don’t talk to you.  You wonder why all your friends are in relationships and you still haven’t had a boy show an ounce of interest in you. You will question why you are always the one person that never found that solid friend group in high school and always felt like the “floater” between different friend groups. You at times will get so fed up with all your insecurities that you will just break down crying, and that is ok. Being sad, mad, alone is ok. I look back at all of the pain my insecurities put me through in my teens and it just hurts that I never felt good enough and never felt as appreciated as everyone around me because of the endless comparing I would do with myself to other people. You do not need to compare yourself to others because you ARE BEAUTIFUL.DSC_4262

Believe it or not, going into your 20’s your self-love for not only yourself but for others has skyrocketed. You know that you are beautiful without makeup and you absolutely love your natural hair and know that you wouldn’t trade any of your flaws for anything. You get into the gym and at 19 feel your body has become the strongest it has ever been you are the most confident in your body. You know that you are loved. You have an amazing circle of friends and even though you still feel like a “floater” you are satisfied with it because without being that person you probably wouldn’t have met the amazing friends in your life. You still haven’t had a serious boyfriend and you still get insecure about that, but when you do start having those thoughts you remember that that boyfriend will come when the time is right. There is no need to rush anything because you still have the rest of your life to find that person. You realize that it isn’t worth investing your time into people that you know won’t be there for the long run. You appreciate everyone that came into your life and left because you learned so much from those people and realized your self-worth and how important it is to invest your time and energy into the right people. You are independent. You were a ball of insecurities in high school and the thought of being alone terrified you. But now, you are comfortable with the idea of being alone because it allows for you to be the most productive and is what has allowed for you to appreciate your own company and self-worth. You start your own website. After all those years of admiring and looking up to your favorite YouTubers and bloggers, you finally took the initiative and you couldn’t be happier with your decision. Your family and friends are so supportive of it and you have never been more inspired. A lot of things are running through your mind as you are turning 20; you have decided to change your major, you just want to travel and study abroad. But there is one thing that always stayed consistent.

New York City.

Your heart has always been set on it and at this point in your life you have never felt more driven and motivated to get yourself there.  I believe in you and your strengths and know that you will make it through these uncomfortable 7 years. Stay inspired.


Future Demars

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