I found this rant in my notes and wanted to share it with you guys. I feel like everyone glorifies the college experience and I feel no one ever talks about the emotional and mental struggles people face. I wanted to share this with anyone that has ever felt stuck in their college experience. It is fun, but we also have those days and even weeks where you just aren’t feeling like yourself and you feel like you are the only one. I just want to reassure you are never alone because you may think that the people around you always have their life together, but in reality they will probably be feeling the same things you are feeling.
Warning: personal and disorganized thoughts below
Have you ever just felt stuck? You feel like you can’t change anything in your life. I have been feeling so stagnant lately and I just think it is because I am at the point in my life where things are not as flexible and fun as they were a couple years ago. I know buckling down is good for the future, but right now I currently just feel stuck. I will never take the opportunities I am given for granted, but I feel like there is something about college that just emotionally drains me. It is the same thing everyday. The same things to stress about everyday. The same parties every weekend. It is all the same. I am so blessed to be able to go to the school I go to, but there is something about the competitive academic scene that is not healthy at all. I feel like I have always been able to balance a social life and school, but lately I feel like I haven’t. I feel like I have chosen to prioritize the academic side this semester and because of that I have never felt more disconnected with the world around me. I feel like a ghost. I feel like my days and weeks just revolve around getting the right grade, which has honestly made me feel so empty. I have put everything and everyone on the back burner and I am now feeling the burn of that.
I just wish that I could drop everything right now.
Explore a new city with new people even if it was for 48 hours.
I just need an escape from this unhealthy lifestyle that this school has made me become accustomed to. I just want to go back to valuing the memories and experiences in life that made me happy and for once not have to worry about the future. I just want to make time for the people in my life and also branch out and meet new people. I just don’t feel satisfied with where I am at in life and I know this is all part of the process of college and life, but I just want to skip to the end where I am fulfilled with my life. For now, just taking it day by day, loving myself, loving the people in my life (close and acquaintances) and just learning to find a balance in this crazy life.